Complicated
by twilightluver39
Summary: Based on song "Complicated" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson. Bella is Edward's friends, loves him, but doesn't know how to tell him. AU AH canon pairings. one-shot


**A/N: This is my first story, it's based on **_**Complicated**_** by Carolyn Dawn Johnson**

**Disclaimer: as much as I admire and envy Stephanie Meyer, I do not own Twilight or any of its characters! ******

I sit anxiously in my biology seat, waiting for _him_. I have a clear picture of him in my mind's eye. Messy, unruly bronze hair; deep, sparkling green eyes that I'd drown in if it weren't for reality—the fact that he was too good for me, too amazingly gorgeous and wonderful for me to even be worthy to talk to; a crooked smile that would melt a heart of stone.

And not only this, but he was also a wonderful person. When all of the school sluts throw themselves at him, he never laughed at them, or took advantage of them. He would politely decline them, without laughing at the possibility that he was way out of their league.

All of this perfection wrapped into one—very fit—body. It didn't seem fair that people like him get all the looks, and people like me are so plain: regular old brown hair and eyes, a pale complexion, and _very_ minimal curves.

But when _he _walked through that door, it was impossible to hold a grudge. No matter how gorgeous he was and how plain I was, I just couldn't hold it against him. I felt my heartbeat accelerate to a speed that would put a hummingbird's wings to shame.

He starts walking towards me, and I have to remember to breathe. _Remember, Bella: he's just one of your best friends. Emphasis on __friend__._ Though this mantra helped slow my heartbeat and cool my blush a little, I couldn't help but feel a small pang of regret. I was his best friend, and he would always think of me as just that. He smiles at me, and I look around the room, panic-stricken. _ I need to get away!_ He would surely know what my feelings are just by looking at me. I could only picture the look on his face—disgust and amusement, I didn't know which was worse—at the realization of my pathetic crush.

_I'm so afraid that the way that I feel_

_Is written all over my face._

_When you walk into the room_

_I wanna find a hiding place_

As he sits down in the seat beside me, I attempt a smile. I'm pretty sure I failed.

"Hiya, Bells," Edward says, giving me that breathtaking—and heartbreaking for me—smile, and lightly touched my hand. "How's your day going?"

I think I muttered something more or less intelligible, though I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was. Apparently, though, it was good enough for him, because he just smiled again and turned to the front of the room, where our teacher was starting the lesson.

I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the time when I hadn't realized how gorgeous my best friend was, and along with that, how unattainable. Things were so much easier. My heartbeat didn't accelerate and my face didn't go tomato red whenever he even uttered a single word.

_We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do_

_But now a smile and a touch of your hand_

_Just makes me come unglued_

I found myself staring at his defined cheekbones, wishing that I was able to stroke it. I shook my head. _Snap out of it, Bella!_ I thought to myself angrily, mentally punching myself. I couldn't continue thinking like this—it was going to kill me!

At that exact moment, the Adonis himself turned towards me, a quizzical look on his face. He must have caught my angry glare.

Right then and there, I considered telling him. The three magic—and incriminating—words were right there, on the tip of my tongue. _I love you_. I could have ended it all right then and there.

_Such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth_

_Is it fact or fiction_

_Oh the way I feel for you_

And I, being the dimwitted chicken I always am, didn't tell him

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, mouthing "Late night—homework," in answer to Edward's question. He nodded in understanding, squeezed my hand—which send an electric spark down my arm—then turned back to the front of the room. I mentally kicked myself. Ouch; all of this mental abuse of myself would soon turn physical.

_So complicated I'm so frustrated_

_I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away_

_I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay_

_Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel?_

_Oh I want you to know_

_But then again I don't. It's so complicated._

I sat at lunch with my two best friends, Alice and Rosalie, closing my eyes and thinking about how much I _don't_ love Edward Cullen. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I felt lighter, freer somehow, without worrying about all my hopes and dreams being crushed.

_Just when I think I'm under control_

_I think I finally got a grip_

"So, Bella," Rosalie said, brushing her long, elegant hair behind her hair. Just being in the same room as her makes any girl take a hit on her self-esteem. The models on the front of the _Sports Illustrated_ swimsuit issue have nothing compared to her. "Edward was talking about you the other day."

I almost choked on my soggy pizza.

"Wh-what?" I asked, still coughing.

"Edward was just commenting on the fact that you weren't sleeping over at our house last Friday," Alice, Edward's twin sister, finished for Rose. "I think he missed you." She winked at me and nudged my ribs, her pixie-like features twisting into a knowing smile. I blushed a furious red; all of my friends knew of my insanely pathetic crush on Edward—except for Edward himself of course. I realized that the block that I'd worked so hard to put into place had just disintegrated at the very mention of Edward missing me. Am I pathetic or what?

_Another friend tells me that_

_My name is always on your lips_

"Bella, can't you see anything?" Jasper, Rosalie's twin and Alice's boyfriend, walked up behind Alice and gave her a peck on the lips. "Our Eddie-boy's head-over-heels in love with you!"

I rolled my eyes. I may be pathetic in my crush on him, but I wasn't stupid.

"As if, Jasper," I scoffed. "He could have anybody he wants in the entire town!" I watched Edward walk into the cafeteria, and was the eyes of all the girls follow him greedily. "No, scratch that," I corrected myself, "he could have any girl he wants in the entire country!" I watched in disgust as Lauren, the head cheerleader and evil incarnate, walked over with her hips swinging in what I think she meant to be seductive way, her microscopic mini-skirt riding way up on her upper thigh, and too-tight shirt revealing a gross amount of cleavage and midriff. Edward's face puckered up in a disgusted, uncomfortable way, and although I couldn't hear him or lip-read, I knew he was turning her down politely.

"But he doesn't want any of _them_," Alice said in an uncharacteristic quiet, non-bubbly voice, emphasizing _them_ in a way that didn't escape me. Even though I rolled my eyes, I couldn't help but blush yet again.

_They say I'm more than just a friend_

_They say that I must be blind_

Edward walked over to our table with Emmet, who was huge, with muscles the size of a tree trunk, but had a goofy, child-like grin plastered on his face. Emmet sat down next to Rosalie and gave her a large, neither chaste nor quick kiss on the lips. Edward gave my shoulder a little squeeze as he sat down in the only seat left, which was next to me.

Immediately, the guys started talking about the most recent football game. Alice and Rosalie rolled their eyes and eagerly started talking about a trip to the mall this Saturday. Alice's eyes had a crazed gleam in them that was only there when she was planning an intense round of _Barbie Bella_. I cringed.

With the sole purpose of distracting myself from the imminent and looming doom lurking in my future—shopping with Alice—I looked at the Greek god sitting next to me. Almost too quickly to really register the fact that it had really happened, I thought I caught his large green orbs darting towards me for just a fraction of a second. Being me, I blushed furiously, but couldn't help but dart glances at him every so often.

_Well, I'll admit that I've seen you watch me_

_From the corner of your eye_.

Why couldn't he just tell me?! If my friends were right, and he was 'head-over-heels in love with me'—as if!—why didn't he tell me?!

For the briefest of seconds, I almost considered telling him, for the second time that day. But what if he said no? What would that do to me? It would probably ruin our relationship—as friends—for one thing. I'd never be able to meet his eyes again. He'd probably laugh at me. Or just dismiss me. I saw how he rejected Lauren. It would probably be worse for me, because—even though I'm not a slut like her—I'm not nearly as hot as she is. Because, although it's obvious her boobs and nose were plastic, she does have gorgeous strawberry blond hair, and perfectly arched eyebrows, and baby blue eyes, and had all the guys but Edward, Emmet, and Jasper drooling over her.

_Oh, it's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess_

_But think of what I'd be losing_

_If your answer wasn't yes_

_No,_ I thought resignedly to myself. _It was never meant to be. Edward is way too good for me, and would never even consider going out with me. _I sighed and stared at nothing in particular. If only…

_No, Bella_ I thought harshly. _Don't go there_.

_So complicated I'm so frustrated_

_I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you a way_

_I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay_

_Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel?_

_Oh I want you to know, but then again I don't. It's so complicated_

That night in bed, I thought about it. Again.

No matter what I did, I would never be good enough for him. He was too gorgeous, too kind, too polite, too chivalrous, too overall amazing for someone as trivial as me. I also knew that there was nobody out there who was the same, nobody who would add up to him.

_Oh I hate it, 'Cuz I've waited_

_So long for someone like you_

_Oh what do I do_

_Oh should I say it_

_Should I tell you how I feel_

_I want you to know, but then again I don't_

_It's so complicated…_

_It's so complicated…_

_It's so complicated…_

**Good? Bad? Amazingly wonderful? Miserably terrible? I can't tell unless you review!!! Should I leave it as a one-shot, or should I turn it into a two- possibly three-shot?**


End file.
